Tips To Improve Your Confidence

I have struggled with social anxiety, negative thoughts self-talk, and insecurities for at least a decade but in the last year and a half of my life, I have completely transformed myself. I have developed a deep love and trust in myself and even feel confident in social settings. It has definitely been a long journey with a lot of different practices and tools helping me get there. I wrote this blog to share some of the simplest tips I used to improve my confidence.

[I highly recommend seeking out a therapist as one of the first major steps you take toward building confidence but if you can only spend 10 minutes and no money today working on your confidence these are my recommendations.]

Standing Up Straight Oozes Confidence

I always had good posture as a child but in my middle school years, I started slouching as I became more uncomfortable with my body and being perceived by others. There are two main reasons slouching is used by people with insecurities: to take up less space (be less noticeable) and to get a sense of comfort (basically mimics a fetus’s position of comfort while standing).

Even as I did a lot of healing for my insecurities and started to feel better about my appearance, I still slouched in public settings a lot. It was because I was afraid of standing in my power and owning a room. But I decided I didn’t want to be like that even if it was more comfortable in the moment. I started fixing my posture anytime I noticed myself slouch in a social setting and saw immediate results. It shifts how you see the power dynamics in a situation. It also gives you more positive feedback because people assume you have confidence and power even if you don’t believe you do at that moment.

Dress For Your Mood

I am a firm believer that everyone should dress for their mood (within reason for a few special circumstances…maybe…). I have taken a lot of crap from people of all ages for dressing for my mood and not for situations and yet, I cannot think of a single person who criticized me that felt more comfortable and beautiful in their outfit than I did.

Your Outward Appearance Can Lift Your Mindstate

By dressing for your mood, I don’t mean if you are feeling sad or insecure to just cover-up in a blob of clothing to make yourself disappear. You can have days where you dress down but you should still choose items that make you happy or safe or cozy. When you are intentionally choosing outfits for your mood, you immediately feel more cared for and more yourself which creates positive energy.

Own Your Power

When I am wanting to own my power, I tend to dress more femme fatale. When I am feeling silly and playful, I wear bright colors and kooky outfits. These foster more of the attitude I am trying to embody that day. It connects me further with that aspect of myself. In addition, every time I look in the mirror it reminds me of who I am anytime I start to feel it slipping away.

Not every outfit has to be some big thing. Sometimes it’s just the way a pair of pants hugs my waist or how my sleeves flow as I turn. These bring a sense of joy, freedom, and self-love to my outfits. Then, when every I glance down or in the mirror or I am walking alone in a hallway, I get a moment to bask in this energy.

Never Let Yourself Think Negative Thoughts About Yourself

When you let yourself think a negative thought about yourself, you are telling your brain it is true. The more you think it in your mind, the more the idea gets reinforced. If you want to be confident, you have to love and accept yourself. I know firsthand this is not an easy task. Even once you consciously start loving yourself, you have already programmed your subconsciousness not to. This is why we need to work on reprogramming this belief by changing our thoughts even if we aren’t quite at the point where we believe it.

How To Reframe Your Thoughts

Every time I hear a negative thought go through my brain about myself or my life, I pause and say “no”. Then, I reframe it. Let’s say I’m having a bad hair day and my brain says “your hair is so frizzy and ugly today.” I dismiss this thought. Next, I respond in my head with “my hair is beautiful and always changing. Today, may not be its best day but it will be better tomorrow.”

You don’t have to straight-up lie about yourself or your life. In many ways that won’t be helpful because it’s unlikely you’ll actually let a lie like that sink in. But when you bend things into a positive light, you are more likely to believe it. If you don’t believe me, remember people always say lies are more believable when there is a truth rooted in them.

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Nicole Asherah is an artist who connects people to intimate moments, feelings, and relationships experienced throughout life through her poetry, paintings, and photography. Her upcoming book, A Life Cycle: A Guide to Healing and Rediscovering Yourself, is available for preorder now here. It is out all places books are sold on March 14th! Please see more of her work at nicoleasherah.com

Check out my quiz Where are you in your life cycle? to better understand what you need right now to grow and become the best version of yourself.

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