The holidays are upon us. For some of us, it is a beautiful time spent with loved ones while feeling cared for. But for others, it is a mind field. Being forced to be around family that doesn’t make you feel loved or good enough no matter what age you are is highly triggering. This time of the year makes it easy to revert to old versions of yourself and old relationship dynamics you had hoped to leave in the past. As someone who has always had a rocky relationship with this time of year, I am here to give you my best tips for coping with the holiday season. Trust me when I say these really work. Every year it gets easier for me. I hope sharing these with you allows it to get easier for you too.
Find Moments to Slip Away for a Breather
I know most of us don’t have the luxury to get true space from our family when we need it during this time. This is why you need to take your moments away whenever you can get them. Revel in the silence. Take some deep meditative breaths. Let the cold air outside wake you up from any lingering memories. You must let go of any weight you are carrying during these moments so you can come back refreshed.
Don’t Play Into the Arguments That you Know Always go Around in Circles
As I mentioned before, we all fall into old habits in relationships. Often these habits bring about the same arguments. Arguments you know will never reach their resolution. This is a great time to practice your growth. Don’t play into these arguments. Stop them before they have the ability to take off. Whether this means changing the subject, sitting quietly instead of disagreeing, saying you don’t want to continue this conversation, or even walking away. While some of these options may seem more dramatic than just arguing over the same thing as always, they are a way to stop the cycle. Stopping the cycle is one of the most important steps you need to take to find your peace with the past.
Find a Space That Doesn’t Transport you Back to Childhood
The holidays are one big trip down memory lane which brings up a lot of hard feelings for most people. This is why I highly recommend finding a place in the house or the area around it that you can visit that doesn’t remind you of childhood. Make this a space where you can fully bring your current self too without any of the wounds or cycles of the past. Allow even a glimpse of this space to remind you your life is different now.
Repeat in Your Head all the Good Things That Make Your Life Different From When you Were a Kid/Teen
Remember you are not the same person you were. You are not stuck in the same circumstances as when you were a kid. Remind yourself of all the good things in your life right now. Make a list in your head. Then, make a list of all the changes in yourself since then. Did you become more confident in yourself? Did you start work on letting go of blame? Are you kinder to yourself or others now? Even if it seems small, repeat it to yourself and feel proud. Every little moment of growth should be celebrated.
If you have a rough relationship with your family, the holidays are always going to bring up strong feelings. The best way to get through it is to accept that. Set time and space aside so you can sit with these feelings and find ways to release them. See this as an opportunity to grow farther away from that time in your life. Sending all my love and healing energy your way during this time. You are not alone in your journey.
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Blog by Nicole Asherah. Nicole Asherah is an artist who tries to connect people to intimate moments, feelings, and relationships experienced throughout life through her poetry, paintings, and photography.
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